Of course, I’m crying. Yes, I’m emotional. But… I am also mad and frustrated. Phoebe was born 3-11-11 at 1:23 pm via scheduled c section. All was going fine and as planned. I went in to the operating room and met the anesthesiologist. He was running late and his cell phone kept ringing. Slot machine ringtone. I was annoyed. I didn’t get a good vibe. I asked him about the chance of the anesthesia not working. Was there a back up plan? He looked at me like I was crazy.
Surgery started and they discovered that Phoebe was higher than they expected. They had to grab and push her from up higher than expected. I started to scream. The anesthesia only worked from the incision down. Everything above that I could feel. No numbness. Just excruciating pain. I screamed while they pulled the baby out. The doctors stopped operating and told the anesthesiologist to get me some knock out pain med. Too little too late. While I was screaming they brought the baby over to me so I could touch her tiny foot. Phoebe looked and sounded great. She weighed 6 pounds 15 ounces and is 19 ½ inches long with strawberry blonde fuzz.
Then it went black.
I looked forward to having a normal birth. I wanted to hold her naked baby body against my chest. I wanted to breast fed. I wanted to give her kisses. But, no. I passed out and she got wheeled off to “special care.” They don’t have a NICU here. They talked about moving her to another hospital but luckily she was able to stay here. She was born with amniotic fluid in her lungs. Usually this gets pushed out during delivery. She was having trouble breathing so she had to be put on a cpap machine. She is still on it today and will be for the next day or two.
Once again, my baby is in someone else’s care. I couldn’t see her or touch her.
The next day (today) I got to see her. I still can’t hold her or feed her. I did start pumping breast milk today that will be fed to her by feeding tube. I think things would be different if we were at Mercy. These nurses act like we are a nuisance when we want to visit.
I feel like she’s not mine. The nursery staff is awful. I am going up there at 4pm today to hold her for the first time. I have my emotions in check now. Just let me hold my beautiful Phoebe Fox.
I plan on having Chris take a lot of pictures tonight when I get to hold my new Lil' Girl. 
2 comments:
Congrats again! She is super cute! I just had to comment on this because I agree with you...I think that you should be able to hold her. I held Betsy when she was on CPAP and she was 24-weeker! The NICU nurses told me it was ideal I held her and even though it took forever to get her wires in check and it was a pretty big deal, they happily did it. I only mention that because I remember them saying how big of an ordeal it was to adjust wires and such and it makes me think that the nurses who are caring for Phoebe just don't want to mess with it?
Of course, I hate to say that but seriously, I think you should get to hold her no problem! So...yes, I would go in there and demand to hold her. After all, she is YOUR baby and you have the final say so. In my opinion!
Glad she is doing well and I'm glad you are feeling better. Sounds like a rough delivery but so glad everything is okay. I'll continue thinking and praying for Lil' Dude and hope she is in your arms SOON!!
Phoebe Fox, I love it!! I am so sorry it didn't go as you planned or wanted... if my life went as planned I might die of shock!! Hang in there I am so happy for your family...I will be seeing you sooon I hope!
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